New Zealanders hate boasting – it’s just that we’re the world’s best athletes

The only one letting the side down is... England coach Brendon McCullum

October 30, 2024 6:00 am(Updated November 1, 2024 8:35 am)

Skiting is something no New Zealander wants to be accused of. It means boasting, showing off, waving your success in others’ faces.

The Kiwis are an unassuming lot. Edmund Hillary, on becoming the first to climb Everest, is widely quoted as saying “we knocked the bastard off”, adding later that “I didn’t jump around and throw my arms in the air” at the summit. Being called a skite is a grave insult.

But it is becoming increasingly difficult this year – heck, even just in the month of October – in the sporting context at least, to avoid coming across as a massive skite when listing the achievements of a country with a population of just over five million.

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Forget the rugby union for a second. The national sport of New Zealand is the only one where Kiwis have not excelled this year – even though we will have a very good chance of beating the English this weekend, followed by games against Ireland (gulp) and France (whatever the French might be for “gulp”).

It’s in cricket, football and sailing where we have blown the roof off. And without sounding too much of a big head about it, we’ve done it rather well.

The cricket was the big one. New Zealand’s women’s team won their first T20 World Cup, having appeared in their third final. Suzie Bates, the White Ferns opener, was a veteran of both the losing finals. It was particularly sweet because the team went into the tournament on a 10-game losing streak.

It’s not quite San Marino football team levels of desperation, but it is certainly not World Cup-winning form. And yet they swaggered to the title, before celebrating with a touching rendition of the Maori folk song “Te Iwi E”, which is a love song to the land and its ancestral inhabitants, with player of the tournament Amelia Kerr accompanying on acoustic guitar surrounded by the rest of the team on the wicket in Dubai.

And on the very same weekend, the New Zealand men’s team were busy skittling out India for 46 runs (forty-six! In India!) on their way to an eight-wicket win over Sharma, Kohli, Jadeja and co in the first Test of their three-match series. They went on to wrap up the series with a match to spare – inflicting upon India their first home Test series defeat in 12 years.

Indeed, New Zealand’s success on the cricket pitch is such that you could argue that the only Kiwi cricketer who isn’t holding up his end of the bargain is the England coach, Brendon McCullum.

As if a Test and T20 win wasn’t enough excitement for one October weekend, Team New Zealand skimmed across the Mediterranean in their high-tech hydrofoiling boat to trounce Ineos Britannia in sailing’s America’s Cup. The strange thing was that in the sailing, New Zealand are so dominant that it was no surprise that even Ben Ainslie backed by Jim Ratcliffe’s billions couldn’t beat them.

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In the summer, at the Paris Olympics, we came fourth in the “per capita” medal table with our 20 medals. Above us were St Lucia, Grenada and Dominica – the last of which has a population of only 65,000 so nabbed second place with a single medal. We won 10 golds – in rugby (of course), along with high jump, canoeing, cycling, rowing and golf.

And we haven’t even got to the football yet. E tu (stand up) Chris Wood. The Nottingham Forest striker (who, you will be pleased to hear, still mangles his fair share of vowels even after 15 years in England) is Auckland’s answer to Cristiano Ronaldo (without the associated baggage – and unlike Ronaldo, Wood is definitely not a skite).

The day after the White Ferns’ success in the Women’s T20 World Cup Wood scored to seal a win for Nottingham Forest against Crystal Palace. This was only a few days after returning from the other side of the world, where he netted for his country in a 3-0 win over Tahiti (hey, they all count). The man has scored in five of his last six games – including two against Leicester in Forest’s most recent outing.

He is “in the form of his life”, according to former England striker and BBC pundit Alan Shearer and admits himself that he is loving life as an imposing, yet nimble, centre-forward under Nuno Espirito Santo.

And so, we come to the All Blacks descending on Twickenham, with articles headed by ominous statements like they have “lost their aura” echoing in the background.

Sure, they came a distant second in the Rugby Championship this year, and fell victim to South Africa’s anti-rugby in last year’s World Cup, but success breeds success.

The same silver fern that adorns the All Black jersey was waved when Team New Zealand’s boat ensured that Britain’s wait for an America’s Cup win extends beyond 173 years.

It was on the flags in the Dubai International Arena when New Zealand won the Women’s T20 World Cup. And it was in the stands when the Black Caps ground India into the dust in Bengaluru and Pune. May it fly high at Twickenham. Not that we will be skiting about it of course. Heaven forbid.